A retrospective look at my college essay and how my writing has developed since:

Patrick Hinchcliffe 08/01/1995:

Pedaling, I take in the sun. My hands leave the handlebars and weave through my hair.  Leaning back, I close my eyes and just breathe. HONK!  BRAKE! My Zen moment is interrupted by an aggressive Acura, or as I see it, a thoughtless machine representing the opposite of biking. Bicycling is about enjoying the ride; driving is about getting there. When I’m cycling, I’m detached from the fray, enjoying the ride so there’s no rush. While perhaps an obstacle to the flow of traffic, I’m indifferent to everyone else on the road. Sometimes, however, it’s impossible to be unaware. In a moment, I go from oblivious ecstasy to near-death.   Nearly killed, I was also scolded by a blaring horn, as if it were my fault. My anger flares out and before long I am back in paradise.

     Now that the weather is nice, I've abandoned my keys and grabbed my man-powered machine, which once was my only means of transportation. It feels great being with my old friend, but that heated confrontation feels strangely familiar. Being a brand new driver, I’ve had near misses with bikers and was infuriated every time. That thoughtless machine, which almost just flattened me, has been me since I got my license. When I evolved from bike to car, I turned into my antagonist: the teenage driver—powerful and dominant, whose only ambition was getting from A to B. My keys unlocked the beast that I once hated, and it took my rebound to the bicycle to reveal this enigma.  Different attitudes are involved with either mode of transportation. This driving Mr. Hyde somehow shares a body with a pleasant, peaceful, pedaling innocent Dr. Jekyll.

     The way I see cars from a bike is comparable to how I see bikers from a car.  I view my road partner with disdain, furious with drivers for their blatant disregard for others and irate at bikers for their sluggish lassitude blocking my road. Now aware of these distinct characters, there is potential to resolve my paradoxical personality.

     While graduating from bike to car was a major step in my social maturation, recognizing that I acted with two contradicting demeanors showed a different kind of growth. Neither of the two Patricks’ dispositions was justified, rather both acted irrationally. Acknowledging this, I gained a sense of perspective that would allow me to moderate my behavior in any circumstance. Experiencing both sides of the situation gave me a third sight, the objective view. Ultimately, the person I was so annoyed with was me in a different light. Even beyond the road, in the face of a heated disagreement, I understand there must be reason within the argument of my disputant.   Once I comprehend the source of vexation, a respectable compromise is possible.  The next time I take the wheel, I'll suppress the hulk so eager to rush.  Moreover, I’ll bike more respectably, knowing I am quite the nuisance as I dream along.

Writer's reflection:

Attached is the college essay I wrote in high school and submitted to Skidmore last year. It’s interesting to see what writing ability was expected of applicants. I wanted to post my college essay to give a reference of how my writing once was, and to see how it’s changed. This piece was highly esteemed by my college tutors (apparently my modesty wasn’t) so I’ve always considered it to be indicative of my ability—even though I wrote it in junior year. Regardless, I was proud of this piece and it shows my writing background and what I consider to be my strong points.

First and foremost, I’m immediately thrown off by my redundant sentence structure. Nearly every single sentence includes a short introductory phrase:

-       “When I’m cycling, I’m detached…”

-       “Nearly killed, I was also…”

-       “It feels great being with my old friend, but that heated…”

-       “Now aware of these distinct characters, there is potential…”

-       “Neither of the two Patricks’ dispositions was justified, rather both…”

-       “Acknowledging this, I gained…”

I was shocked upon reading this at the redundant and mechanical flow of the piece. I’ve always found my writing skills developed mainly from reading, but now I’m questioning how I wasn’t able to catch this earlier. In any case, I articulated my point and described the scenarios well and used pretty broad vocabulary, so the essay wasn’t all bad. In fact, if I mixed up the sentence structures to avoid the repetitive two-part statements, I think this piece would read pretty smoothly.